The first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful baby in the world. I was surprised by the darkness of your hair. I wanted to hold you but I only got to touch your face with one finger of my hand that was strapped down to the operating table. You were whisked away very quickly. Later, when I finally got to hold you, I was so nervous to nurse you, but you knew exactly what to do on your own. I didn't feel that big rush of love that I was expecting to feel. I always heard about other mothers that instantly fell in love with their newborns. Love did not come easily and quickly for me. I wanted you and I wanted to protect you, but I didn't have this pain in my heart or desire to never let you go. That came in time. I marvelled at your strength and awareness. I knew you were smart the first time I looked in your eyes.
The first time I saw you I felt bad because I thought you wouldn't be the cute one. I was very wrong. I was in awe at your size and the size of your cry. I had to fight for you to be with me, and I'm glad I won. We proved them wrong. I felt like I already knew you and I loved you immediately. Like your sister, you knew want you wanted and how to do it.